Rebecca McDermont Former Exotic Dancer, White As Snow Ministries in Michigan

++++++++++++++++TESTIMONY++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++WARNING !!!!!!! May Not Be Suitable For Anyone Under
18. If you are 14 years old or under, Click here please. +++++

TO THE READERS
Some may wonder why I would share my story with complete strangers around the world. It would be so much
easier for me to just sit on the pew each week and pretend that none of my past ever happened but God
doesn't want me to keep silent. Because I have a personal relationship with Christ, in my heart I know that I
must share my story so I tell all to bring "glory to God" the father only.

My transformation is enormous and it's only because of Christ that I was able to change. I surrendered to him
and he "renewed me day by day," 2 Corinthians 4:16. I know that I am a new creation. I know that I'm
forgiven. In 2 Corinthians 5: 17 it says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has
gone, the new has come!" I am no longer the person that I was and I want to tell the world what Jesus has
done for me. I pray that my story will help someone who's hurting and lost, just like I was. God has taken what
was bad in my life and turned all of it around to be used for good. He'll do the same for you.

STORY BEGINS (Some people in my story have been forgiven by God and have became
Christians)
I was born into the world in July of 1962. Some people would say that I'm getting rather old now. I say, "Baa...
humbug. I'm only beginning to live!" I say this because I just now have overcome my past. I'm just now truly
being the person that God intended for me to be. I've been changing for years and I will continue to grow but
I'm finally free! My sins kept me in bondage.

I am the first born in my family and you all know what that means, don't you? I think that I am the boss and
that I know everything! Boy, did God have to straighten me out. I found out that I knew nothing at all without
his guidance.

I have a sibling sister named Sharon who's two years younger than I. We were born and raised in the Ann
Arbor, Michigan area.

My story begins when I was about 5 years old because things were pretty peaceful and easy until I reached this
age. At this time, we were living in Ohio. My parents became separated and my mother, sister and I moved in
with family members who lived in Michigan. My mother found a good job working for the state so that was a
blessing.

Terrible things started to happen at the house that we moved into. One of our adult male relatives sexually
abused my sister and I. He would expose himself by pretending that the exposure was some kind of a game. It
was suppose to be funny but it truly wasn't. He would try to get us to touch his private parts on a regular basis.
He also introduced us to pornographic material and would give us beer if we asked. Not only was he doing
this to us but he would also expose other children in front of us. My sister was only 3-4 years old when this
began. The sexual abuse continued until I was around 14 years old.

Some parents knew and/or suspected what the male family member had done but ignored it for whatever
reason. This person was never prosecuted but before he died, he became a Christian and was forgiven for his
evil actions.

At the age of 10, I was abused by a complete stranger who touched my privates right at our home no more
than 100 yards away from my mother. This offense scared me even more than the abuse by my family
member because it was a complete stranger. It was never reported.

The effects caused by the abuse lasted for 25 years. My innocence was taken away and sexual
experimentation with other sexually abused children began at a very young age which caused more shame.
My experiments were mostly with other females. Some I consented, some I did not.

The abuse that I had experienced caused me to feel different than the other children at school. I had an
awareness that not all adults could be trusted. I had feelings that I must not be worth much because the
abuse wasn't stopped. I thought that maybe something was wrong with me because it seemed that the abuse
was accepted but I knew that it was wrong. I felt so ashamed, guilty and dirty. Some how, all of this must
have been my fault because I did participate. I know differently now.

At times, I could be a very vindictive and mean child. I don't believe that meanness was my character but it
was a symptom of the sexual abuse. Over time, I became hardened, bitter, resentful and felt unclean.

I grew up thinking that sex was the only thing that men wanted. Later in life, I learned how to manipulate men
with this twisted knowledge. I would lead men on or tease them to get what I wanted which was usually their
help or money.

Viewing pornographic material taught me what women should act like and how she should look. I started
dieting by the age of 13 even though I weighed less than 100 pounds. Body image became very important to
me. When photographed during my early teen years, I would try to look sexy and pose in provocative ways.
The pornography disturbed my childlike mind.

When I was very young, the Ouiji Board was a popular game. All who played put their hands on a device over
a board with letters on it. You ask a spirit to come and you ask it questions. The spirit or ghost answers any
questions by moving the object around and spelling words out.   It's suppose to be all in fun but this was my
first introduction to the Occult.

In my teen years, I found myself intrigued with Astrology and Tarot cards. When I became an adult, I knew how
to do someone's complete astrological chart and how to tell their future with a tarot card reading. I mostly did
this for my own enjoyment but sometimes I'd do it for others.

In 1990, psychic hot lines were in full force and I called them more often than I should have. For me, trying
to see what the future held seemed very important in my life. Things hadn't been that great for me so fear kept
me searching for something to look forward to. Of course, I shouldn't have been searching there. My hope of
a future should have came from the Bible.

I would say that I was addicted to the Occult and it was a very hard habit for me to break. Today, I won't even
look at my horoscope because I know that God detests astrology, witchcraft, mediums and sorcery. In the old
days, Exodus 22:18 says, "Do not allow a sorceress to live." That's some pretty powerful words! Thank God
that those laws aren't in place today! Even witches can repent and have God's mercy and loving grace.

If all of these things that effected my childhood weren't enough, there's more! I would say that I grew up in
poverty. We always had enough food to eat but we didn't have good housing or very many extras. Once our
family moved into our own home again, we moved into a house that didn't have an indoor bathroom or hot
water. We also moved right next door to the offender. This house should have been condemned. This
caused more shame and low self esteem because everyone that I knew had indoor plumbing. It was painfully
hard to have much of a social life when you knew that once you had a friend over, they'd learn of your secret.
I know that there were people out there that had it rougher than myself but I didn't know of any. I am grateful
for what we did have, though.

Growing up so poor in America caused me to believe that money must be the answer to all of my problems.
Money was power, safety and cleanness for me. I knew that I had to grow up and have some of it.

Now, I get to share some of the good things that happened in my life because not everything was terrible. All
of my grandparents were Christians and after my parents got back together, they too, became Christians! My
dad's father was a fire and brimstone preacher for the Church of Christ in Michigan and other states. My father
learned how to preach as well and he'd substitute when needed. Jesus was letting himself be known even
during all of the craziness that was all around me.

When I was 7, I was diagnosed with having a hole in my heart. After I was taken to church, prayed over and
for, the hole closed up! I was healed! All of the doctors and nurses were astonished because they had the
before and after pictures. The hole was there and then it wasn't! The doctors were very excited after my heart
catherization and they wanted to show us the pictures. I remember the x-rays and images to this day.

Our family started going to church after I was healed every week and sometimes 3 times a week. After a
couple of years of attending, I was baptized into Christ by immersion in water on March 19, 1972. I was 9
years old. I'm not positive that I completely understood baptism but afterwards I felt so...free and clean!
Because I felt so pure again, I wanted to go home to be with the LORD. I knew that I couldn't stay clean in
this world so I wanted to leave it. God knows that we can't stay clean in this world, too. That's why he sent us
his son, Jesus. Once we become Christians, we are given the gift of grace to cover our sins. This doesn't give
us an excuse to sin but if we do and we repent, we are forgiven.

Around the age of 13, my parents stopped going to church. There was a disagreement in the church and
many people left. Where did this leave me?   What was I going to fill up that empty space with that only God
can fill? I started to cry a lot. I became depressed and had suicidal thoughts. Eventually, I made new friends
and I began to distance myself from God. 1 Peter 5:8-9 warns us to "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy
the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the
faith, because you know that your brothers and sisters throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of
sufferings." I decided not to resist him anymore and so I was devoured.

My new friends were older than myself and they introduced me once again to alcohol and then marijuana. I
started down a path away from God, the Father.

Eventually, one drug led to another and being intoxicated gave me courage to talk and to socialize. I
became popular among the "pothead" group and I was invited to parties more and more. My relationship with
my parents deteriorated and we started to fight a lot. I became rebellious and tried doing things my way.

At 14, I met an older boy. He was 17. After we dated for 6 months, he convinced me to sleep with him. He
manipulated me over and over again until I gave in. I thought that this would "make him fall in love with me"
and make us close. When that didn't happen because boys just don't think like girls, I realized that I had made
a mistake. Oops...it was too late. I became pregnant. I was 15 years old and I was understandably scared to
death. What would I do? My friend told me about abortion. In my mind, I had already ruled out giving my
baby up for adoption because I would never know who his parents would be or able to see him. I also didn't
trust people. I decided to go to the abortion clinic to see what it was all about but I ran out in tears. I decided
to keep my baby and by the age of 16, I had my first child. It was a boy who I named Rick Alan.

I lived with my parents and they helped me a lot. I couldn't have raised Rick without them. I tried real hard to
be a good mother. I loved my baby boy! I had to temporarily get on assistance and I tried to have a
relationship with Ricks dad. My relationship with Ricks dad became abusive both physically, psychologically
and verbally. Our relationship was stormy at best but we continued to try to stay together.

One year later, I was pregnant again. This time, I decided to have an abortion. The only one that knew about
it was my friend who had suggested it one year prior. I didn't know what else to do. The babies father was
abusive as I was to him in different ways. I was young and I didn't know how I was going to afford or how I
would take care of another baby so I did it. I ended my child's life. Before I did it, I believed the lie that was
told to me and millions of women every day. "It's not really a life yet. It's a blob of flesh." I had made a
terrible mistake and I knew it immediately after the abortion.

After the traumatizing of abortion, self-hatred ran deep in my blackened soul. I felt that for sure now God
could never love me again. I was truly evil, unlovable and lost. God would never forgive me now after what I
had done. Satan grabbed a hold of this sin that I had committed and he made me believe even more lies. I
know now that God forgives all sins. Even the sin of abortion. Back when I first had the abortion, I figured
what was the point in ever trying to be good again if I was already doomed to hell?

I tried to go on with things as normal but I felt numb. I'm certain that I suffered from post-abortion syndrome.
You can read about this by clicking on the link Rachel's Vineyard    I tried to go to work, to be a good mother
to Rick and I tried to have a relationship with Rick's dad. One year later, I found myself pregnant again. This
time, I had used birth control but it was inconsistent. Rick's dad and I decided that we should get married. We
went for blood test's and the whole shot but it wasn't long before we were fighting again. I was the one to start
it this time. The fights grew more violent each time. I would call the police and try to have this man arrested
but they would tell me things like, "You won't follow through on charges. You'll be back together in no time."
So once again, I was unprotected from abuse and so was my boyfriend.    This time it was by men who were
getting paid to protect people from violence. The wedding was off.

In December of 1980, I had another beautiful son which I named Jonathan. When John was born, I was still
suffering from post-abortion syndrome. I had a very hard time bonding with him. It was almost like I was afraid
to. Maybe I feared losing him, too. I loved him so much but something wasn't right with me anymore. I went
back to work when John was 6 weeks old which I didn't do with Rick. I was able to stay home from work until
Rick was 8 months old.

Since I had dropped out of high school, in 1982 I got my G.E.D. so that I could go to college. I also worked
two part-time jobs to support my kids. Eventually, this caught up to me and I could no longer continue with
one of them so college got put on a back burner. Three years of my life was a blur. I just remember running
from job to job trying to make money but never making enough to support the three of us. It seemed like work
is all that I did.

At times, I would succeed in providing an apartment for myself and my boys but because I'd spend my money
on pleasurable things, partying and fun, I'd lose my place eventually and have to move back in with mom and
dad. Life seemed incredibly hard in those days. I was desperate to succeed and to prove that I could make it
on my own but I was failing.

I didn't want to live with people as my parents did for years but financially, I seemed to be getting no where.
Out of frustration to get out on my own again and as a cry for help, I decided to overcharge on a credit card
to get more money. I thought that money was the answer to my problems. I was soon found out and fired from
my job. I tell you what, that was such a humiliating experience for me that I totally learned a lesson from it.
I've never done anything like that in any way since. I had no idea how much trouble that you can get yourself
into. I paid back the money that I owed and have paid my dues to society. I was 22 years old. This was what
led me into "exotic dancing." You can read about that part of my life by clicking on the Exotic Dancing
Page.

I began to use drugs to drown out my feelings about myself, to cover my shame, to help me to forget my past
and to just feel good for a while. Even though I occasionally drank alcohol and did drugs before working in
the sex industry, I became dependent upon them almost as soon as I started working. My life started spinning
out of control. Work became a party as well as after work. All that I wanted to do was to have fun by drinking,
dancing and using drugs.

God and the devil fought for my soul and for a long while, the devil was winning. God allowed the devil to
take me down some very dark paths that I chose. God did protect me from death by overdose and he drove my
car home (or so it seemed) at various hours of the night often. He was even there with me when I got myself
into some dangerous situations on dates with men. I would be told to "put out" or get out! I think that this is
called "date rape" these days. God was always with me reaching out his hand but I only reached back when I
was really, really down.

Some people have asked me why God allows these kinds of things to happen to us. My answer is after
traveling this road and making it to the other side where I have freedom from my past because I've accepted
his son, we are given freedom of choice. This is called "free will." I know that God didn't choose for me to be
sexually abused or for me to become an addict to sex and drugs but he allowed these things to happen to me
so that I could in turn help others out of these same struggles someday. God didn't make them happen. I'm
sure that he cries for ever child that is hurt by adults sexual sin. God decided that he would use my pain for
the good of many. God knew my heart and his hopes and dreams for me as his child was that I would grow
from my suffering and have compassion for people out there who were just like I was. His hope for me was that
I would take this pain and suffering and use it which I am finally trying to do. I don't believe that God chose
for me to be an exotic dancer. I chose this. I don't believe that God chose for me to be sexually abused by
a male relative, my family member chose this. But since it happened, he could see into the future and predict
that I would be all right and that I would use my experiences for the good of others.

The death of my oldest son when he was 20 years old has been the hardest thing for me to accept. God
allowed him to die and yes, it still does hurt and yes, for a time I was angry with God but God knows all things.
He knows why he allowed my son to die and even though I wish that my son was still on this earth with me (my
selfishness), there has been some good that's come out of his death. Some have returned to church like
myself. Some that knew Rick have turned there lives around into a different direction. Ricks organs were
donated and seven other people were given a second chance at life because of this gift. God knows all, sees
all and loves all. He just hates our sin and he can do no evil. He didn't take my sons life but he allowed it.
Click her to go to my story about my son's death. My Vision

For me, changing my life, ridding myself from the past, cleansing my spirit and changing my heart began
when I surrendered to God. When I accepted him into my life and into my heart, I began to change. We call
this repentance.

It has taken a long time for me to get to this point. I think about it as the peeling of an onion. God takes the
pain one layer at a time.   He unravels and peels and tosses away all of the ugly, hurt, pain and shame. If we
are following him, he will lead us to restoration. He will heal all of our wounds. We are like diamonds in the
rough and he will polish, rub and work on us until we shine and all can see that we are his. Instead of
darkness, we become light! Cracked, clay pots are other common expressions of his molding and shaping of
us. If we allow him to, he will help us become who we're designed to be. With me, he used 12 step programs,
counseling, Rachel VIneyard's retreat and most importantly, the Word of God. God will lead you to freedom,
too.

Even though I had been baptized as a child, I decided to be baptized by immersion again on January 10th,
2000. I wasn't clear of my motives for my first baptism and I just wanted to be sure. I have been renewed in
cleanness once again. The old Becky is dead.

Click here to find out the steps to take to become a child of God called "Christian."

Scroll down the Exotic Dancing page to see many blessings that God has given me.

                            Our business can be viewed at www.upnorthmaui.com

What Is Sexual Abuse?
Click this link to find out.

To Learn The Alarming Statistics
of Sexual Abuse, Click

WHITE AS SNOW MINISTRIESTM
Isaiah 1:18 "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as
snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."

*www.darkness2light.org

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