Rebecca McDermont Former Exotic Dancer, White As Snow Ministries in Michigan

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"The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and The 'Truth'
about
Exotic Dancing"TM by Rebecca McDermont

There I was, a 22 year old single mother of two who was trying desperately to make
ends meet when a male friend of mine made a suggestion that would change
my life forever. I was complaining to him about losing one of my jobs and declaring,
"What am I going to do now?" I was way too proud to get on welfare and too proud
to ask for help from anyone. I figured that I had gotten myself into this situation
so it was up to me to figure out how we were going to survive. I wanted to provide
everything for my son's financially. I was uneducated and I received very little help
from their father monetarily or emotionally.

The suggestion from my male friend was, "Why don't you go to the Landing Strip
to work? The women up their make excellent money. You'd probably make enough
money so that you wouldn't have to work two jobs."
My reply was, "The Landing Strip? Isn't that a topless bar?"
My friend says, "Yes."
"I could never do that." You see, I had never even been into a topless bar.
"Becky, you could wait tables. The waitresses aren't topless. They wear tank tops
and high cut shorts," says my male friend. It was at this moment, the seed of
deception was planted.

I felt desperate so I applied for the job at the Landing Strip and I was hired on the
spot. The first week that I was there was excruciating. I was in shock! I felt sick,
nervous, guilty and ashamed but the money was a powerful motivator. In one
evening of work, I'd make on the average of $100 a night in tips! Remember, this
was in 1984 when that was a lot..of money.

Before I knew it, I had become numb to my environment. Being at the club was
starting to feel like a "new normal." I actually started enjoying being around all of
the men and coming home with quite a large amount of dough. Eventually, being in
this atmosphere led me to a severe drug addiction. I was often given "cocaine" as a
tip. I had tried cocaine only once before and I really didn't think much about it but
it seemed that everyone was doing it in the club so why not me? Besides, it was
free. Drinking also became a problem.

Parties after work were essential. Thank God that I had really good child care
at the time. While I partied, my boys were either with my parents or with
my aunt. The only problem was that my boys weren't seeing me very much or they
were seeing a very "coked" over or hung over mother. It wasn't a pretty
scene for them back then.

Eventually, I ended up dealing drugs so that I could pay for my habit and so that
I could gain some control or power over my addiction in this dark world of sex,
adultery, manipulation and money. I had found before I started dealing that I was
at the mercy of others who might supply me a "fix." This led to some very
uncomfortable and dangerous situations for me. My cocaine addiction started to
became almost a daily habit. I ended up at parties where I didn't know very many
people and was taken advantage of sexually more than once.

During this "fuzzy and numb" period of time in my life, I was intrigued with exotic
dancing because of the costumes, the money and the creativity that some of the
dancers displayed. I loved music and I enjoyed dancing. The only thing that was
stopping me from becoming one was that I saw something different in the women
who were dancers. Their eyes seemed to be distant. A lot of times they seemed to be
stoned while they were on stage and didn't seem that friendly to us waitresses. I was
being pretty judgemental back then but something about them scared me.

One night, the devil appeared to me dressed as two men sitting in my section.
(Just a metaphor) They offered me $100 to dance topless to just one song! What
a shock! I was amazed because there were so many beautiful women who worked
there but they "wanted me." This was a self-esteem boost for a very low esteemed
woman. It took me 2 hours to decide if I could go through with it or not. My whole
body ached at the thought of dancing topless. My stomach was sick, my heart was
pounding out of my chest, I had cold sweats but the temptation of the cash won.
How was I going to overcome all of these emotions?   Drinking a lot of alcohol
seemed to be the solution. I eventually got up the nerve to go through with it. I'm
sure that I must have been a sight to behold. My body was going in all kinds of
different directions! I was trembling and flopping all around! The men seemed to
enjoy it in an amused kind of way. I wouldn't dance again for several years.

The Landing Strip management got wind that I had been dealing drugs to some of
the staff at the bar. I was given a lecture and questioned about it. Even though
this was a "sex industry business" the management didn't approve. I denied any
such involvement, of course. Due to fear of being caught and the fact that a drug
supplier had threatened my life because they feared that I was "talking too much," I
quit my job there and found another.

I worked for several years in various topless bars in the state of Michigan. I was
either a bartender or a cocktail waitress. My addictions became worse over time
and I found myself wondering if I would live or die some nights. I had mixed several
different and deadly combinations of drugs and alcohol unaware of what could have
happened to me. Upon several occasions, I ended up at the basin of a toilet praying
to God for his intervention. I often wondered if I should get myself to the emergency
room or not. My heart would be beating so slowly at times. I was afraid to go to
sleep for fear that I wouldn't wake up again. At this time in my life, I didn't have
peace about going to meet my father in heaven. I feared "hell" so I begged and
bartered with God over my life. He always let me live. I believe that he allowed me
to survive because I had become a Christian when I was 9 years old. God had a
different plan and purpose for my life but I wasn't ready yet to surrender to him.
Soon after I'd start feeling better, I'd forget about God and my promises and I'd do it
all over again and again.

At one of my jobs, I had finally met a woman who was a dancer that I thought
had a pretty normal existence or what seemed normal to me at the time. We became
friends and I was now convinced that I should become an "exotic dancer," too. My friend
and I went to audition at a club in Dearborn. All of the fear came rushing back from
my previous experience so I had to get "drunk." The management gave us as much
as we desired to drink for free. We decided on Long Island Ice Tea's. By the time
that it was my turn to dance, I was pretty well lit. There weren't very many people
at the bar but one of the men came up and gave me a tip. He didn't give one to my
friend who also had auditioned so I thought that I must be rather good at this exotic
dancing stuff. (This is another wrong way to gain self esteem.) We were both hired and
I was offered $14.00 an hour cash plus tips. Dancer's actually used to get paid by the
bar! I figured that I would never be able to make that much money without a college
education so I took the job. I now had the title of "Exotic Dancer" and I became known
as "Tiffany."

When I would dance, there were some feelings of being sexy or beautiful because
night after night, men would reaffirm this by applause and money. They'd offer their
phone number or promise dates and they would throw compliments at me. But, were
their compliments genuine? Were these men being truthful or were they just saying
these things because their hormones were engaged? I am no expert but from what I
have learned about men, I'd have to say that they were just incredibly excited.

Men verses women's reactions to stimulation is very opposite. Women can turn their
sexuality off and on in most cases where it's not as easy for men. Most men would
probably tell you that it's uncomfortable for them to do so. So what were we doing to
these men physically and emotionally? How did they deal with this "excitement" that we
created and what did they do to complete the process? I tried very hard not to think
about it. I knew that I had manipulated them in this way so that I could get what
I wanted from them which was their money. I was partly responsible for whatever they
did with this created excitement after they left the bar.

Night after night, married men would try to pick me up or slip me their number. They'd
usually deny that they were married and sometimes I would call them only to find out
the truth from their wives. How embarrassed and humiliated I'd feel. I wasn't looking
to be a home wrecker. I was only looking for companionship and love.

While I was on stage I also had some other feelings. Everything was all right as long as I
was dressed in a nice dancer's outfit but once I would drop one strap..of clothing from my
shoulder, it became shameful for me. I always had to have a drink before I went on
stage. I don't remember ever dancing sober. I remember trying to attempt it sober but I
couldn't. The shame that I felt was real and deep and I tried to cover it up with
substances. Shame wasn't apparent to the customers or the other dancers but it was
carried within.

Over time, I'd get so sick of doing lap dances that I would look at one of my dancer
friends and with my back to the customer, I'd imitate gaging by opening my mouth and
inserting a finger. I would act like I was going to get sick. This would give me a pretty
good idea that it was time for me to take a break.

The shame that I felt when dancing mainly came from the fact that I had
been sexually abused by exposure over and over again throughout my life by a male
relative which started when I was only 5 years old. I had also been exposed to
pornography at the age of 6 by the same relative. The shame was that I was now the
lady exposing herself just like the women in the books and like my male relative. Things
had turned full circle for me and it was sad. What could I do about it? What would I do
for money if I quit? I didn't know the answers for several years.

During all of this crazy time in my life, I was also in some very violent relationships.
Relationship problems began way..before I ever started dancing. It began in my first
relationship and continued to get worse in other relationships until I finally was
forced into getting some help.

One relationship during my dancing years was so traumatic that I almost lost my life.
This man and I could get along so well if alcohol and drugs weren't present but the
moment that we would become intoxicated, we would fight. I was usually the one to
threaten to end the relationship or to try to leave. For me, if they tried to stop me it
meant that they really loved me but the stopping would end up escalating to extremes.
For instance, I was held at knife point and had to escape while he was sleeping. I was
stalked, hit, threatened and shoved. He would brake my vehicle, pop out of bushes
unexpectedly on me, be waiting for me after work and he stole from me. Sometimes, I'd
be afraid to go home to my apartment. He would live and do as he pleased in my
apartment for weeks. I'd go to the police but in the 80's and early 90's, the police didn't
seem like they wanted to protect women or the laws were such that they couldn't. At
least not in the Ypsilanti area. I was told over and over again that they couldn't do a
thing for me except follow me home or have me fill out a complaint explaining what had
happened. The only time that something was done was the day that he tried to pull me
out of a party store by force. He had told me that he was going to take me to his
mother's property and that he would "kill and bury me" there. My survival instincts
interceded when he stopped at a store to buy cigarettes. I jumped out of the car and
went inside. I demanded the car keys from him. He started trying to drag me out of
the store. I held onto the door for dear life! The clerk called the police and my so called
boyfriend left in my car. He was finally charged with assault.

Our relationship ended for about a year and I actually was "so insane" at the time that I
dated him again only to have some of the same things happen. There was definitely some
chemistry between us so I wanted to believe that he had changed. Once again, I ran to
the police for help with no avail. I became so desperate that I took matters
into my own hands. I took drastic measures to protect myself from domestic violence
and I made a terrible mistake.

I was arrested for having a gun in my vehicle which wasn't registered to me.
A friend of mine who feared for my life thought that she was being helpful by offering
a gun to me for protection because she knew how much terror I was living in at the
time. I took the gun (stupid move) and placed it in my car underneath my seat just
in case. God was watching out for me even then because after only having it in my
possession for 3 days, I got caught with it. I had never even fired a hand gun before.
What if I would have gotten into a situation where I thought that I had to use it?

In many ways, it was a blessing to have been caught. I was put on probation and
this was how I was forced into getting help for my drug addiction and emotional
problems. Two years after I had committed this crime, I violated my probation
by not showing up for it. I wasn't suppose to be using drugs anymore but
I had started using again. I was afraid to face my probation officer so I chose
not to attend. I was put in jail for 2 weeks. It was the longest, coldest and loneliest
time that I had ever faced. My probation officer wanted me to go to prison. She had
lost all faith in me. I was so...scared. By the grace of God, the judge decided that
he would allow me to go to drug treatment instead of prison.

Other effects caused by my lifestyle of exotic dancing was a feeling of complete
separation from God. I didn't feel like God would have anything to do with someone like
me. I had a messed up relationship with my children who were very important to me. I
wasn't around as much as a mother should be and at times I was abusive. I developed
feelings of unworthiness and uncleanness. I became bitter and angry. I had no trust in
men and even though I wanted to be loved by a man, I didn't like men very much. I felt
unlovable and incapable of giving love. I was uneducated and really had a bitter root of
self-hatred. Some of this spiritual sickness began long before I ever danced but dancing
brought out the worst in an already broken person.

"Wasn't the money worth the shame?" some might ask. My answer to that is
"what money?" I was living and spending money so fast and foolishly that the
money would come into one hand and exit out the other. I would take the money
to buy drugs thinking that I was going to make more money when I'd sell them.
The problem was that I was an addict and would always do more drugs than I was
suppose to or I'd give too much to friends to make any money. Pretty much, I barely
supported my kids with the money that I'd bring home. I'd take them out to nice
places once and a while because I felt guilty for not spending enough time with them
but I couldn't even keep our own housing or at least not for very long. It was a
vicious cycle that kept spinning around and around with no way out. I was in chains
and I didn't even realize it. It was like being in bondage with no escape. I couldn't
stop using drugs alone and I couldn't support my kids in another way without help.
This kept me stuck in a very ugly place.

Now I know that I had no self-respect anymore. I didn't like myself. I didn't like
my life. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to live anymore. I didn't attempt suicide but I
did think about it. I felt like nothing. This is where "Exotic Dancing" left me. It left me
broke, a drug addict and alcoholic and a criminal.

BLESSINGS

Praise God that he has truly restored my life! Today, he has given me everything that
was taken from me and more. Jesus said..."The thief comes only to steal and kill and
destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

The beginning of my healing happened when I went to an inpatient drug and alcohol
treatment facility. The hospital took me out of my environment and slowed me down.
There, I had time to think and time to realize that I had made a terrible mess of my life. I
needed to find a way to change. If I couldn't do it for myself, I needed to do it for my
sons.

This treatment program wasn't religious but at the end of each night, we would form a
group and all hold hands. We would then repeat the serenity prayer in candle light.

"God, give me the serenity to accept the things that I
cannot change; the courage to change the things that
I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

When I first entered the hospital, I had plans to sneak out on Halloween. After
one week of being inside, I changed my mind. I had accepted that I needed to change
my life. At that time, I wasn't sure if I believed in God anymore. Someone
suggested that I "fake it until I made it." So I did. I would get down on my knees
at night and I tried to pray. It felt very awkward at first but things began to change
inside of me. I realized that I could come back to God. He would forgive me and accept
me again so I surrendered to him and I allowed him to take the steering wheel back.
He was now the driver of my life once again.

After 3 weeks, I was released and I began my life anew. I was free to start over. I
was no longer on that devastating roller coaster ride to the pits. I could become
anything. It wasn't an easy road for me at first but any day sober was well worth
the battle and at times, it was a battle...

I still didn't trust God enough to go to church or to totally commit myself to him but
now I was open and curious about where my life would go. I had a new and restored
hope in life. The journey took time and I've been "renewed day by day."

God has healed me of drug and alcohol addiction using various tools in the world like
AA, the 12 steps of AA and counseling. He has given me a new direction in my life.
He helped me go to school and get enough education to support my children and
to put a full time roof over their heads. He has given me a beautiful home in the
country,
a loving and non-abusive Christian husband and 3 more precious children. God has
restored my relationship with my older son. God did take my oldest child home
to be with him but he left me with a beautiful vision of where my son was going.
He allowed my son who past away to say goodbye to me and tell me that he loved
me in a spiritual form. To read about that just click on the link.

God has given me a granddaughter. He's restored my relationship with my parents and
family. He has lead me to healing of my past shame and sexual abuse issues by
directing me to just the right counselors. I no longer have open wounds but I still carry
the scars.

Almighty God has lead me to "peace" over my past. He has instructed me to offer
apologies to all of those that I have harmed along the way no matter how
difficult that it was for me. This has proven to relieve the guilt and sorrow that I've
carried and tried to bury inside of myself for years. I still owe many apologies to
the men who I performed in front and who I manipulated but there's no
way in which to know all of their names. If you are one of those people,
I apologize now. Please forgive me if I've ever hurt you in any way.

He's given me honest and trusting friends that accept me just as I am, a beautiful
church and a caring and loving church family. I now have a bank account! I've been
restored with self-love and hope for a bright future. God has given my husband and I a
franchise business to manage and own. I have a renewed interest in singing and
playing musical instruments that I had lost when I started experimenting with
marijuana in middle school. I enjoy and participate in the arts. Parts of my body
including my mind have been healed and now God has allowed me to start a ministry
for people that are just like I was. He's given
me a changed, caring and compassionate heart. Most importantly, he has restored my
ability to give and to receive unconditional "LOVE".

There's so much more to give him credit for that I could go on and on. Each breath
that I take is because of him. I'm so..grateful that he has "rescued and saved me."
God has set this captive free! This process of "renewing of the mind" has taken
almost 20 years but as you can see, God is faithful and true to give us the
desires of our heart.

Maybe you haven't experienced the things that I have. Maybe you won't ever but
the majority of women that I've talked to have experienced some of these
difficulties. Don't let the lie and deception of exotic dancing grab a hold of you and
take you down! The lie of "you'll get rich." The deception of "it's only breasts" or
"exotic dancing is fun and glamorous..." In my opinion, those statements are so
wrong. Which life would you rather live? One of devastation and ruin or one
where all of your dreams can come true.   It's all....up to you.

You can read more about other area's of my life in my testimony

Copyright 2006-2007. Rebecca McDermont. All Rights Reserved.

This is a picture of
my husband and I
when we were
dating in 1992. This
picture was taken 3
years after I had
stopped "dancing". I
still dressed in skin
tight clothes. It took
a while to change
my habits.

LIST OF BARS
WHERE I WORKED

* Landing Strip
-waitress
* Legg's-bartender
* La Chambre
--bartender
* Henry the Eighths
--bartender
* Body Rock--dancer
* Silver Cricket
--dancer
* Cafe Chablis
--dancer
*   and others

Your donations are
tax de-duct able
and secure with
Pay Pal.

This is the house that the
Lord has blessed our family
with. Our house sits on 60
acres of land. Most of the land
has been given to us by my
"precious" mother -in -law.
I believe that God has laid
it upon her heart to be
extremely generous to us. My
mother -in -law is a blessing as
well in our life.

The reason that I point this out
is not to brag. At some points in
my life I was homeless and
lived with my parents as an
adult because I used my money
foolishly. Even while I was an
exotic dancer. I hope to give
you hope in Jesus and hope
that you won't have to live in
poverty forever if you quit
dancing.

Since I've been restored back
to God, he has given my family
so..much. We are so grateful
and we'll sing of his praises
forever! He will do the same for
you.

Jeremiah 29: 11 says,
"For I know the plans I
have for you,' declares
the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not
to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future."

WHITE AS SNOW MINISTRIESTM
Isaiah 1:18 "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as
snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."

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